Dementia
by jazzy2may
Summary: SLASH Story: A crazy abused vampire Spike, A conflicted hyena-soldier posessed Xander, A Chaos mage with a plan. WIP Slash EthanxGiles, SpikeXander. No like, No Read. On HIATUS 4 now


**If you dislike stories like this please turn back now. Do not read. Do not Flame me. **

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**DEMENTIA**  
Written by: Jazzy  
(August 2006)

Characters: The LA Gang & The SunnyDale Gang

**Pairings: X/S E/G W/T Buf/Riley**

Warnings: AU, angst, drama, first time love, Slash, m/m coupling.

Rating: MATURE

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** Chapter One:**

The Beginning...

Even in his cell in the initiative underground facility Ethan could hear the whispers in the wind. He didn't exactly have the gift for precognitions but he did have a tiny glimpse and instinct that Janos liked to tweak every now and then to let his degenerate son know of things of infinite danger coming. Unfortunately the capricious nature of the chaos god didn't mean Ethan received messages often but this time it seemed Janos was terrified and what frightened his God had Ethan seriously terrified even through the drugs in his system his blood sang with magic with a knowing too ancient for his human years. His God was warning him to get out of dodge and to do it very soon.

Ethan screamed till his voice was raw from it. Even the demons were freaking out. The initiative were panicking. The world was ending and these toy soldiers and their games had nothing on the gods of old and the magic that ruled this world. These children believed that their technology would be their salvation. Science not magic would save the world. These children closed their eyes and thought they could mock the world they pretended not to see. A world they wished didn't exist but did.

Ethan screamed as the ancient one filled the world with its presence.

"No, they couldn't have." He thought as panic set in. "They didn't." He tried to deny what every pore in his skin and the marrow in his bones tingled with knowledge of truth. "Not this god. Not this one." He tried desperately to deny the truth that he felt. He sobbed for Janos to save him. He begged his memories of Ripper to help him.

Blood filled Ethan's mouth and eyes as the God of fear came into the world and the initiative paid a high and terrible price.

Dementia crawled into and out of Ethan's mind as he shut down completely. Shields held tight as he with his last bit of sanity and survival instinct took charge he drew in his own blood a protective symbols and a barrier surrounded him. He was still a powerful sorcerer and no matter what the initiative had tried to do to him he still had that power it was all he had it was all that he was. He had given up Ripper for this power and he would be damned if he was going to die without using it to save his own skin. He'd be damned if giving up Ripper had all been for nothing. This power had to be worth the price he'd paid for it.

Bloody drugs! Bloody morons! Stupid children playing games with gods that you shouldn't have and now you've loosed it upon us. This world's doomed. We're all going to go insane and die horrible self destructive deaths. Horrors of the like no one can imagine will run rampant and whittle down the populace till there is no one sane or alive left in this dimension, including demons good and bad. No one will be spared.

Ethan whimpered and hoped to last long enough to see his Ripper one last time so that he might say to Ripper one last time that he still loved him and missed him and regretted having power rather than Ripper at his side. Yet Janos had not abandoned his degenerate son. Janos breathed power into its beloved one and put a protective hand over his servant.

Dementia was not fully formed yet. They all had a little more time not much but a little more time left and Janos could stand up to Dementia for the moment just this one time to save his faithful one.

As the chaos and the death and mania died down Ethan stayed in his barrier day and night for 24 hours nothing could get through as he witnessed horror and atrocity. As creatures clawed and scratched themselves into little bits other feasting and screaming soldiers with guns trying to kill all and everything but nothing could get through Ethan's barrier nor the strong magical command the Jedi mind trick as it were of the magic world "don't see me" spell. He reveled for a short time in his magic and in the support of his god then as the world quieted Janos gave him a last command.

"Find the Vampire, childe of Drucilla, the one named William the Bloody, honored with the name of Spike. His magic awakens and it is powerful. Make an alliance with him. Make an alliance with the 'scoobies' my child or all will be lost. Glorificus and Dementia cannot be united. Help destroy them."

Ethan wasn't the bravest of souls but his god commanded him and he would obey.

* * *

- SunnyHell (aka: SunnyD aka: SunnyDale) -

Spike scowled how had he gotten into this mess? He knew how. He cursed. The gem of amara, greed, the Slayer, coming back to sunnyhell instead of leaving for parts far far away, he had to come back here and get his ass whooped by the Initiative and a chip put into his head and now he was catering to the whimsy of a mortal who paid for his blood supply and the roof over both their heads. He didn't have to stay here. He had an undead life or at least he used to have one and now it was all gone.

He was no longer the big bad he was little more then fangless the puff! Nancy the serving boy! Caged in the whelp's bloody dungeon home of mold and mildew and rot. Fix the pipes, pick up those towels wash out that blood stained mug. Oh how the boy lorded it over him.

"Whelp must feel mighty powerful; he can order me around and all I can do is say, yes sir, how bloody high do you want me to jump, sir? Bloody Hell! This is intolerable.

Pity party, table one. Spike ol chap, you need to go out and kill sumth'n. And talking to yer'self's the first sign you've gone soft in the head." Put aside the self loathing and think about killing someone or a demon or Xander's god awful shirts.

Did the boy have to have eye sores for clothes? Everything bright colored and multi patterned, maybe the boy was color blind? That would explain some of it, wouldn't it? The boy's color blind and he wants everyone to be blind just like'm. Brassy bastard, they think I'm Evil, well hell yes I'm evil, but Xander takes the cake he does. Orders me around, treats me like I'm some bloody wife. He makes all the money and I get's ta beg fer it like some homebound matron out of the bloody forties and fifties.

Bollocks!

I'm a man, and more than that, I'm a bloody master vampire, the bloody Big Bad I am. He snorted. "I'm not taking his shite no more. I'm getting out of this joint. Bugger it. I don't care what the slayer'll do to me, seeing me free and no longer Xander bound or Xander watched. I'm out of here."

He sighed as his depression came again stronger. Where was he going to go? He was a helpless vampire who could get dusted right quick and with no way to defend himself from the cruelties of human beings. He was dead if he left this basement. Not to mention persecuted by bloody G-I-Joe wannabe gits. And getting his ass beat up by the slayer on top of that as well. And the slayer's suppose to be a good guy, snort, could bloody fool me, the lot of them. Even Xander had a streak of meanness and evil in him. He felt tears sting his eyes. He felt useless and afraid. He was trapped and he couldn't leave and the bloody scoobies knew it.

Rip their heads off. Drink them dry. Guzzle and rampage in their blood! Roared the demon.

OWCH!!! The chip zapped him at the intensity of his dreams and deepest desiring wishes of maiming and killing the bloody humans.

He bit down on his lip and bled as the pain crashed through his head in waves of intensity that slowly lessened like a tide in the beach gently flowing back out to sea. He shuddered and wiped at the tears and blood on his chin.

"Spike, what the hell, man, I thought you were going to finish those dishes?" demanded the exasperated Xander glaring at the all too pale recovering from near seizures vampire.

"Passions was on. I got distracted." he lied.

"You're worthless Spike. I work my ass off earning money so I can support the both of us and you just sat their on your ass like a Peg Bundy watching a stupid soap opera? Fuck."

Spike found himself flinching away from the whelp as Xander threw off his dirty shirt. He looked ready to give Spike a beating of his undead life and there would have been nothing Spike could do about it or defend himself from. Xander saw something of the fear in the Vampire and turned away from the deathly still Spike. He sighed his rant and frustrations suddenly drying up like a bit of spilled water in a hot summer ray of sun.

"Spike, I'm not my Dad. You can't fight me back, I don't beat up people who can't defend themselves. I'm not going to beat you up."

Spike fidgeted. "I know that, Pet. Its just you have it in ya..." he trailed off uncomfortable with the places this conversation was starting to delve into. It wasn't that he couldn't handle a beating it was just he hated being so helpless and it wasn't right. Non of this was right. Angelus could beat him, Dru could beat him, but that was just Sire and misbehaving childer stuff and that's where it belonged, between demons.

It wasn't right for some man to beat a child or a woman. And it wasn't right for Xander to be able to beat Spike up if he wanted to. This was all so wrong.

He was a Master Vampire not a bloody man servant. He was not an indentured servant slaving away for a pint of blood a day, barely enough to keep even a fledge alive and it weren't even human blood, just something from the butcher's shop. He was drinking swill and starving while the humans laughed at him.

Anger, useless, burning rage ignited in him yet he wasn't allowed to give vent to it. The chip fried his brain and he bit down trying not to scream. Tears leaked out though.

Xander scowled. "You know if your brain was thinking civil, nice, peaceful, thoughts you wouldn't be zapped by that little bit of equipment in your head."

"Oh, thank you, bloody Mary Poppins, like I don't know that already." hissed Spike, gasping, biting back on another cry of pain as another wave of intense pain flooded his brain. I'm not even thinking blood lusty thoughts and I'm getting zapped. Bugger! Fuck! This sucks.

Pain!

Pain go away, go away.

He rocked in his chair holding hands to his head ticking down from the top number in his head letting calm eek its way slowly through every neutron in his brain. A cool clothe was held to the back of his neck. He cracked a gold flecked and blue eye open to see who it was that was holding the rag to his neck and was touched that his enemy was showing him some mercy. Not that it was going to save Xander from what he was planning for the eventuality that the chip gets out of his brain.

He would start with Harris first then work his way up to the top. Savoring every painful moment, every hour of torment every day that Buffy and her nancy-pansy watcher git Giles would suffer. He could do a fair copy-cat of the great poofter, after all Spike had learned how to torture at the devil's own hand over a century ago. Good times, evil times.

Harris suffering would be quick and short in comparison to the rest of the Scoobies. He was a vamp with a plan. Hell he was a master of plans. His only troubles with plans were that things just never went fast enough to satisfy his patience. He even skipped to the last chapter in books just because he couldn't take the build up. Maybe he would finally learn patience with this bloody chip in his head forcing him to hold off on his needs.

He had no choice. He would have to wait a long time for the chip to either stop working or for some doctor to get it out of his head, so he figured in that space of time maybe, just maybe he would finally learn what it took to make a plan come off as he had planned it to. Planned to perfection.

The cold cloth slowly made its way to his face and eyes. Xander rubbed his neck and shoulders. Warm hands rubbing and working into his muscles. He felt a whimper escape his throat as pain eased even more. Tears of relief flooded his eyes and he hid in the wash cloth not wanting the Scooby to see him at his weakest moment. He knew Harris was only being nice to him because he was no less then a creature in pain and the boy was of a compassionate nature. Harris wouldn't let a puppy suffer and that's what Spike now was, nothing more then a puppy on a leash.

Harris turned back to the dishes and finished them for the suffering vampire. He wished he could say that living with the moody undead had not impacted his emotions in any way but for all that the vampire was evil and tried like hell to keep up the image of evilness, Spike really wasn't very evil. A slob maybe, lazy as a lazy-bum could be perhaps, but scary, no.

Evil, no.

Spike was fangless. A little annoying, like he supposed or imagined a baby brother would be. Spike pouted, Spike posed, Spike brooded and vegged out in front of the tv. Xander didn't hate Spike any more he felt unaccountably sorry for the deposed master vampire.

Why did Spike stay? To hide from the human world. To keep out of reach from human hands. From humans who could hurt him now. Spike was afraid. Harris shook his head and rinsed off another cup and set it on the draining board.

The hyena in hiding in the back of his mind whined, "He's in an unnatural position, caged as the wolves in the zoo are or our brother hyenas. Not allowed to roam or hunt. Not allowed to live as they were meant to be. Free!" snarled Hyena.

Harris sighed. "what do you expect me to do?" he asked the Hyena. Hyena bristled and snarled and paced in her own cage in his mind then curled up and sighed.

The soldier sat still and quiet waiting to prove himself again on the battlefield or in a pitted fight of wits with the vampire. Soldier rarely spoke to either of them except when military training and precision was needed. He looked at Hyena and at Harris and shook his head.

"Spike is walking wounded. Coddling him wont help him. This is wounds of the mind Harris, not just that little piece of neato tech in his brain. Spike was a fearless predator and craved the fight and the scream of blood his conquest shed at his fang's penetration. Now he's nothing and he knows it. He knows fear now. True fear. He's helpless and he's a victim and he doesn't know how to react or even to cope with it. He needs a shrink."

"Oh great, and I'm going to just suggest that to him? Hey Spike thought of group therapy for agoraphobia - oops I mean, phobias-humanus? I mean oops, no, no head doctor okay fine with me just put down the steak and walk away from the foot table so you don't dust yourself quite yet.

Oh yeah, lovely, idea," he hissed sarcastically to his fellow occupants in his brain. "Then when I'm at work he might even get up the gumption to shred my shirts. He doesn't know that I know that I noticed that he doesn't like my shirts. And I also know he's been debating on whether or not to actually take that step and to shred'm.

He may not like my clothes but they're all either of us has right now and I don't make enough to pay for clothes, blood, grocery, and this crappy roof over our heads.

Not that its much of a roof not with the busted pipes and mildew and leakage. My parents are such cheap-ohs. They rob me of my hard earnings and force me to pay outrageous rent not even allowing me a dollar to save in between bills so I can save up for a real place to stay. Not to mention, lets go back to the idea about a therapist. Spike doesn't have insurance, neither do I, and between the two of us we don't even have a spare penny to give to the shrink who might help Spike come to terms with his helplessness, not that Spike will even consider going to the therapist or group sessions, I mean, hello, manly man, in spite of the nail polish and eye liner, inside that tight compact good looking physique is the heart of a proud Englishman and Pride there is, in spades.

That's why he still growls at me and tries to pretend to still be the big bad when in reality he's really the "big pathetic".

"No money. We have no money." he grumbled unintentionally out loud for Spike to hear.

Spike closed his eyes and felt even more of a wanker. Guilt. It shouldn't have been possible to feel guilt but there it was. Spike felt guilty. He was putting the boy out sucking up all his hard earned earnings and leaving no room for the kid to save up enough to move out of this hell whole dungeon that he lived in care of the "oh-so-lovely" parents. Spike could admit to himself that he was indeed a leach of the blood sucking sort, even of the money using sort but he certainly could learn a lesson or three from the Harris Seniors, he didn't have anything on them.

Wankers!

He hissed, fuming inside. The watcher and the other scoobies weren't even reimbursing the boy for his troubles. I shouldn't be feeling any guilt. I'm EVIL. I like murder and mayhem and blood and screaming and shagging and blood and more blood, oh and torture have to say I love the torture. I am evil I shouldn't know the meaning of the words guilt or shame or fear.

Gods we need to get out of this place, especially Harris, before that first class crass wanker of a father of his takes him to task for imaginary slights again and next time maybe even beats him to death. He didn't want that to happen to Harris, that is, he hastily amended, not before this chip was out of his head and he was the one giving it to the little whelp.

The microwave beeped and Xander carefully set the new mug of warm blood in his chilled hand. Xan-pet was being too kind again. First the wash rag and then the back rub and now a warm mug of blood and a glass of hot cocoa with mini marshmallows for desert for Spike. He was too tired to eat though despite the hunger in his belly. The pain in his head was keeping him from eating.

"Bloody head hurts." he whimpered, whined. Warm hands were on his temples gently massaging, soothing the ache away. Like he was a cat getting a good rubbing. He almost purred it felt so good.

The boy would make some bloke a lucky wife, he thought, someday. Not that Spike was in the market for a wife. Not even one that could match his dark princess in wavey curls and warm brown eyes. Xan-pet, though, was a prince not a princess, cause Xan takes care of people not the other way around. Princes save and take care of people. Princesses get saved and get taken care of they're even victims more often then not. Whereas Princes they can take care of themselves and others all without instructions on how to do so. Not that Spike was interested in a prince or a new princess or anyone. And not that he was a princess in need of rescuing or anything like that either. He just wanted to get free of the chip and enjoy some blood letting and revel in death, chaos, and destruction, oh and snack on a couple of happy-meals on legs of course.

Yet his mind kept rambling back to a picture of Xan With some time in the sun on the job at some construction place Xan could harden up, slim down, maybe even become breath taking if he smiled the right way at the right time. Even break even on the money thing. There's always money in construction, road work or electrical or maybe even auto-repair. He should make those suggestions for the boy point him in those directions. Maybe they could open up an auto shop together, fix cars get rich...

"Wh-what the bloody hell am I thinking!?" he choked. "Me? Honest job, working? Bloody buggering hell, and Xan-pet as me partner? Fuck me! I've gone mad, I 'ave. Soft in the brain. This bloody chip. I need it out of me head and I need it out out out now now now now! Grrr. Snarle. Lip curled in a fierce scowl.

Xander backed off quick "Spike still has some scare left after all" thought Soldier and Xander making a hastey retreat. "Mood swings. He's worse then mom when its pms time." he muttered darkly and stayed on his side of the basement for the rest of the evening watching the sci-fi channel and its evening of SG-1. He loved SG-1 but he also wished sci-fi would play X-files. God how he missed that show, if only he could afford the DVDs and the star trek DVDs too. But no, he had to pay his parents every red cent that he earned just so he could have a roof over his head. His life sucked.

"So is your demon-bint coming over tonight?" Spike asked suddenly, mood swing shifting to neutral curious.

He didn't want the sex show going on while he was still a guest in Xander's home but he couldn't force the two not to have sex if they wanted to have sex then he was out of bloody luck.

"I've got a migraine all the smells in this place are making me sick. I can't even stomach me blood ye thoughtfully gave me or even the chocky. I don't think I could take the loud noises you two make, going at it like you do. I'll be violently ill. I know it I can feel it."

Xander sighed, Spike was playing the pathetic card very nicely tonight. "Actually Spike you don't have to worry about the sex show any more. Anya and I have... well, we've uh, we drifted apart. We're broke up now."

"Oh." said Spike quietly. Blue eyes blinking worried. Then suddenly a smile appeared on the vampire's face. "Good fer you, Pet. You can do be'er then that bint any day of the week. I mean sure she was a pretty bit, nice rack good bum, but skanky too and a sex fiend. You need someone more your style." He said warming up to his topic, rubbing his hands together in excitement. "You need Someone nice. Someone that's, ye'know, old fashioned. Slow in her paces. Don't do the nasty on the second date and waits till 'er wed'n night for the love-mak'n that's the kind o' girl you need and deserve mate. A good girl."

"Uhm, thank you Spike, I think." said Xander perplexed and a little unnerved. Spike was looking a little dazed and unsteady. The chip must still be giving him hell. "let's get you to bed Spike, you look pretty done in."

Spike's eyes closed. "Yeah, mate, done in I am." Exhausted and in pain. This bloody chip every time it bloody zaps me its like it takes longer and longer fer it to go away fer the pain to ease. I'm so bloody tired and starved. But I can't drink it tonight, if I do I'll just choke it back up again and Xan _so_ does not need to clean up that kind of mess.

They had a new routine now that x-demon bent was out of their lives. They had peaceful evenings together whenever Xander wasn't out fighting the good fight with Slayer and pals. They even went to a few movies together and usually before the beginning of the wee hours of the morning they would end up at some coffee shop or at Joyce's house to enjoy a cup of hot chocolate and marshmallows. Life was good. Most of the time. yet money was still a worry for Xan-Pet and so by default a worry for Spike. He pondered this dilemma of theirs for some time before he finally got up the nerve to do something about it.

He had no choice but to come to hard terms with the fact that he and Xan needed to get out of the basement and he, William The Bloody, needed an honest job and a decent wage. He owed Xander and he owed it himself to look after himself. He needed dosh, and a job was the only way to go to get any of it. He hadn't liked leaving the basement at first later all the human world was more scary for him now then it ever had been before in his century plus decades plus years of un-life and life alike.

He had been a shivering mass of terror at first but he kept strong and stayed the course and followed through with the plan. William Barlowe had been at one time a good librarian and a great scholastic helper even had his poems published and sold well even if his peers only bought the poems to laugh at him and mock him with. Still he'd been a book learner and he figured his old job could help him even in this modern twisted world of Sunny Hell.

Spike stayed in the tiny closet hidden from the rest of the basement and any snooping by either Harrises senior. He had a computer stashed inside of it with him. He researched on the net.

At first he had started trolling at the library, at first no one believed him to be any good at the whole studies stuff, him in his gothic ware and scary persona, but he put on a pair of wire rimmed glasses and had a stack of books and a notebook of college ruled paper and stationed himself near a bunch of sweating terrified mid-term taking students who were desperate to make decent grades. One of them more desperate then the rest finally took a chance on the dangerous looking yet geeky looking person sitting across from him quietly studying a big book called "Science, Theory, and Nature of ..." No one but a scholar or teacher would read something that horrible or boring unless it was their job to do so. And so the first success and then a dozen after him then off to the bank and to open a checking and savings account with authentic looking green card and fake ID. After another few weeks of tutoring he then bought himself a computer, not out right of course, the shop had something like an in-store credit line that he had applied for and was now making monthly minimum payments and working on his lovely bit of tech every night earning dosh for him and Harris.

He taught himself a little bit about computers and setting up e-mail from the books at the library and then more research on-line for knowledge of pay pal accounts and So he set up a pay-pal account and was a tutor for hire then from there he was making several hundred dollars a week just tutoring the learning-challenged. He smirked. Things were going good for him.

Good money and he was even tutoring people in Europe on the net. God the Internet was magic. He loved it. He could even go to the internet cafe the place stayed open well into the early hours of morning before closing and re-opening in the late afternoons. He loved his job. Loved that the people he was tutoring were paying him good dosh and they were even succeeding in their studies because of him. He felt better then he had felt in weeks since his de-fanging.

As the night came on him he stalked stealthily out of his hiding place and then left the basement to go to the cafe lap-top cradled lovingly in his arms. He thought he might become an electrician, set his own hours and be able to follow Xan-Pet to any job the boy wanted to go to now that he was working the construction sites like Spike had pointed out to him to do.

Things were looking up for the both of them. Off in dream land he wasn't paying attention to the people around him or even when it was Riley and comrades sauntering his way crowding him into some alley to get his lap top taken away and bashed into pieces. He was in shock at first then outraged bellowing he transformed into his vampire persona only to have the chip zap him and then Riley smashed what was left of his lap top into Spike's face as he twitched and seizures on the hard dirty concrete. Boots kicked him in the ribs and a boot crushed his hand.

Why? Why was this happening to him? He wasn't killing anyone he was simply minding his own business. That computer wasn't even paid all the way for, he was just glad he had bought the two year insurance and replacement plan otherwise he would have been more buggered then he was right now. No computer and no way to make money for him and Xan-Pet.

"Now i wonder what a vampire was doing with a computer eh? Stole it I bet. Up to no good trying to neutralize that chip in your tiny little brain, eh Hostile 17?"

"P-Piss Off Mate." he choked growled out, trying to breathe with blood in his nose and throat. Not that he needed to breathe but to make sounds you needed to use air and vocal chords in concert. "Sod off."

Another vicious kick to his head and Spike screamed bit off another curse as more boots kicked him. He tried not to weep. He was in agony. His head felt like it was ready to burst. The waves of pain just kept coming and got worse with every ebb-tide-and-flow. After some time he noticed that the boots were no longer kicking that soldiers smell was faint and garbage stank and corroded the soldier scents he was alone. At least for a little while. Then some perv came along and decided to take advantage of him in his weakened condition. When it was all over he sobbed and crawled out of the alley.

All he wanted to do was go to the basement and wait for Xander to make the pain go away or maybe curl up around a stake the kid had hidden somewhere in the place and let himself get dusted. But most of all he just wanted to go home to Xander to be safe in the basement and out of sight of the filthy humans and soldiers.

Filthy hands touching him. Filth filth on him. He couldn't get clean. He smelled the bastards on him. He could still feel the spunk in him and wretched. Puking up blood. His head pounded and felt too heavy for his neck.

"Xan-ny," He whimpered, gasped. "Xan-ny, I needs a bath luv," he murmured. Crawling still further in the shadows trying to get to the basement. But his eyes weren't seeing too good. "scorching hot, cleansing." He stumbled and lost his balance used the cold brick of a wall he didn't recognize for support. Was he at the library? He wanted to get home not go to the library.

Someone gently took his elbow in their grip and talked kindly to him. "Let me help you, where do you live? I'll take you home or to the hospital? Perhaps a clinic would be best."

* * *

The voice was familiar to him but distant and fuzzy. It was a voice of home, English in origin but not Rupert's accent or voice it was someone else, someone who smelled of magic.

Chaos Mage.

Why was Chaos Mage being kind?

What was going on here?

"Never you fret my dear, time for tale telling later. Now's the time for you to go to your little cave and hide out until you're healed." murmured Ethan, then waved a hand over the suffering Vampire and called up a soothing. He couldn't heal but he could make an illusion of comfort and ease the pain for the poor vampire but nothing more. His power wasn't like Ripper's or his apprentice wiccas. Chaos Magic was about sorcery, destruction, illusion, mayhem, and blood not Earth and healing mankind.

Spike felt like he was floating on a cloud for a while till he was in the basement and his body was clean from a bath and wrapped in a blanket waiting for Xan-Pet to come home and comfort him for real. He didn't bother to remember Ethan. He just wanted to forget the night ever happened that his computer had been destroyed because those soldier wankers had thought he was up to no good and devising some evil plan through technology to take over the world and to be rid of the soddn chip in his head. And of course the stranger with his pervert appetites, no, no, he didn't want to remember being that helpless, being unable to stop the rape of his body. He just wanted to sleep and to forget that any of it had ever happened at all.

He really should have known better then to be happy. Happiness was the key to getting his ass beat up and his happiness taken away. Being happy was just an invite for evil to come his way and make him miserable all over again. Love's Bitch there's no happiness meant for him. Not with his clan in the line of Aurelius and not with Drucilla his sire, nor with Angelus, now a sodding soul man Angel, who couldn't bear the sight of him. No, no happiness for Spike.

There was no way to get out of the basement or to help Xander get out of Hell with him. They needed to get the hell out of SunnyD. Yet everything seemed so hopeless. There didn't seem to be any way for Spike to crawl out of the gutters, though Xander seemed to be doing well. That construction job of his was going to get him out of the basement and out of his father's clutches.

But as for Spike, his fate was a dark one and cold and lonely and he wasn't allowed any sort of happiness at all. He had it worse than Angel did. At least he could be happy it was just that life took that as a queue to kick him in the teeth and to fuck him over. If Angel got happy he simply turned back to Angelus only a darker shade of crazy. No, when things were going good for Spike that was time to get kicked in the head, get captured by Initiative bastards and turned into a punching bag for Buffy the self-centered Vampire Slayer. His life, well unlife, sucked, and not in the good blood flowing ease of hunger kind of way.

Getting a new computer was taking a while but he was glad he'd been smart and had signed those warranty contracts and such he was still waiting for his computer to arrive at the store, special ordered and with some new stuff on it too, that cost him a little extra but well worth the dollars.

Meanwhile he was still in a funk and moody and feeling pissy as hell. You're doing the boy's laundry and taking care of his home and his needs. You're not a vampire, you're a house wife and you're not even particularly very good at that. You're buggered and without the intimate details to make it a nice experience. You might as well be married to the bloody whelp!

Poor Spike is what they're thinking. Lose Dru. Lose to the Slayer. Lose respect in the demon community. You've lost it. You've lost it all and status, power, the ability to hunt and feed and take care of yourself. All gone, a century's worth of blood spilling and killing all gone as if it never happened.

Sunny Hell has put you through the ringer lad. Jinxed, you are. Pathetic and jinxed.

Poor buggered Spike. Dumb Spike. Idiot to come back to SunnyD and get captured by those wankers. Fuck! Buggering bloody hell! Fuck'n chip. Fuck'n slayer and Mr.-bloody-pointy! Who the hell names a stake Mr. Pointy? Bloody crazy bint.

Yeah, god, I'm pathetic.

I ain't got no one and nobody. No sire, no Drucilla, no family, no home that's mine by rights, and what little bit of self-respect I've got left is quickly dwindling to nothing. Pride flew the coop the first day I had to wear Xan-Pet's bloody obnoxious clothes and it weren't the last. I still don't have the knack with the bloody washer and dryer, bloody monster machines, bloody hell what does fluff mean?

Does that mean cold pressed?

What the fucks cold pressed mean anyway?

Clothes shouldn't be needing so many bloody fancy words for washing.

I'm defanged. A caged vampire. I've been turned into a nothing. Into a nobody. I'm a bloody prisoner in my head and in this bloody world. How do I get free?

The bloody slayer and the bloody scoobies aren't even looking for a doctor to cure me. They don't care. They've a bloody slave they can use for fodder in the fields of the bloody hell mouth. They don't want to cure me they want me to die.

Fuck!

Scotch bottle empty Spike staggered up the stairs blurry eyed in search of the whiskey he knew was up above, dressed in a loose pair of pants and a shirt that was the boy's. The boy's mother kept a hefty bottle of it in a cupboard somewhere in the kitchen. Being drunk was nice. It made life fuzzy, made the pain subside a little, it made him happy for a short time.

It was nice to drown and mope in a bottle every now and again. He didn't imbibe regularly after all he didn't want to get turned into an alcoholic or have his senses so numbed and dulled and brain cells killed off by drink that his Master status would be easily taken away by some up and coming young punk ass vampire wannabe. Not that he had to worry about that right now any way, not with his rep in tatters and his life being lived in a gilded cage. He was a kept vampire and he knew he was one. He felt crappy about it but there didn't seem to be a way around his present conditions.

Bloody scoobies. bloody humans. They don't fear you. They don't respect you. They beat ya and rob ya and what can ya do? Nothing. Bloody chip! Fuck'n chip! When I get this bloody piece of tech out of me head and when I'm the Big Bad again, there's gonna be hell to pay. Blood will cascade, humans will die, scoobies will beg me to kill them quick.

But I wont.

Oh no I wont!

I'll torture'm, make'm pay and then I might turn Red, her girl Glinda, cause powerful Wiccas in the line of Aurelius would really give us a big boost again. I might turn the Boy too, if they survive what I do to'm before hand. As for the watcher, some humiliation's in order for him. Though his comeuppance seems to come along already, naw, I wont even bother to touch a hair on his head. He's being tortured enough already with the chosen slayer, Buffy for his charge.

So caught up in his mind's eye, giddy and gleeful with his plans for the future He didn't see the fist that came his way. He smelled the alcohol, cheap piss beer that only Americans seemed to relish and imbibe with delight. American beer was sour and piss and it didn't stave off a good thirst it only increased the need for more. He snarled but was too slow to dodge the attack.

Stars burst behind his eyes as chip flared and human fist and boot came down on his helpless addled self. "You knew better, pet, then to drink. It dulls the senses and the reflexes it does." he murmured, chastising himself even as an angry Harris senior beat him to a pulp and threw him down the stairs in to the basement where he continued to kick his can all about the place.

"What the fuck!?" screamed the bitter older Harris. "Who the fuck are you? And who the fuck said you could come into my house and drink my liquor? Well boy, who the fuck are you?"

Smack, crack, thump.

"Never fuck'n mind answering me, fucker. I know what you are. I know who you are, fag. Yeah, that's right I know who you are. You're that fag son of mine's little boy toy, aintcha? Well fuck that. Bullshit, thinks he can come into my home, bring his faggot with him, fuck pervert style in my house, under my roof, in my basement. You tell your little boy friend, rent has just gone up." Spat the older Harris in disgust. "I don't want to see you up these stairs ever again. Dumb fuck. Fuck. You come up here it better damn well be where I don't catch ye other wise I'll fuck'n kick your can like i did just now. Got it little faggot."

One last kick in the ribs and Spike groaned and kept his eyes closed body curling up around his injuries. Two assaults in one night how lucky could a bloke get. Bloody hell. I need to get out of here. But out there is worse then in here. Isn't it? He wondered dazedly as consciousness came and ebbed and went again then slowly warmth registered.

A blanket was wrapped around his chilled body smelling of fast food and the whelp. He felt warmed. Xan-Pet was looking after him again, for a hater the kid was a soft touch. Compassionate. He snuggled into the blanket feeling the anxiety leave him as well as memory of the previous evening and the things that had happened to him only a few hours prior to the whelp's return from the swing shift on his job. He had to wonder what the whelp must be thinking about all of this. The markings on his body. Or maybe that good old sunny-d denial kicks in and the kid doesn't want to see what's in front of his face. He had to wonder but with the slow healing due to lack of nutrition he had to let things go, like his curiosity and pride.

Things would keep for the time being.

**

* * *

Chapter Two**

He thought he was helping Xan by leaving. Harris Senior was getting snoopy in the basement. Spike had hid in the closet or under the bed most of the time and Harris Senior hadn't bothered to find him yet but Spike had an odd feeling an instinct that Harris Senior was purposely looking for an excuse to do some more violence to both he and Xan and Spike figure that if he was out of the way Harris senior couldn't use him as an excuse to beat up on his son and quite possibly with him leaving the basement Rent might go back down, though that hope was pretty far fetched. He could tell Harris senior enjoyed the extra money and he most especially enjoyed the extra liquor that money bought him as well as the whores on the side.

The wanker smelled of sex, lust, and alcohol, and barely contained violence. Spike didn't like to admit it had happened but it had and so ever since then, the alley incident, he didn't much care to be around a violent human with sex on the brains or rather in the nether regions. Those sorts never thought rational and turned rapist sooner or later, especially when they perceived a weaker person around and right now Spike had no choice but to admit he was Mr. Weak right now. And he really didn't feel like becoming Harris senior's personal sex toy or beat up bag.

Harris senior for all that he was a human being was little more then a rutting animal yet the chip still considered him of more value then a demon and so Spike couldn't kill the mother fucker without some serious pain from the chip which he didn't consider his agony worth the pleasure of killing off a truly worthless piece of human scum. No matter that it would have eased everyone's life a lot. Still Spike wanted to survive with his brain somewhat in tact so refrained from murdering the pissed human.

One thing about moving out though Spike began to rather enjoy his quiet and alone time in the crypt. He met a demon and soon had a pal to play poker with and have enjoyable guy nights with. The demon had a few pals that accepted Spike pretty easily. Clem for all that he was an ugly git had really a very kind manner about him and compassionate red eyes that Spike grew fond of.

Clem was a real gem as a pal. Clem gave Spike encouragement and gentle support. He was a true friend. Spike counted himself very lucky to have made a friend like Clem. He hadn't had a real pal in decades, well, perhaps not ever, not even as a human, though there had been one bloke... Spike was pretty sure William had had at least one true friend in his life but for all that Spike thumped his head and pondered he couldn't recall a face or name but more then likely the truth of the matter was that both William and Spike never had a true friend before now.

Clem fussed over him on occasion invited him over to his own house even shared family get togethers with him. Spike smiled more readily around Clem. Clem regaled him with poorly timed jokes and entertained him with even poorer chosen drama-edys, films that he supposed could have been funny if for the fact that they were so clichéd and mind numbing, but he didn't mind suffering through those films because Clem shared them with him and even came with treats to share during the movies.

Xander even visited on occassion and shared in the film watching, though the boy made snarky commentary that made Spike laugh and Clem look puzzled they still managed to have a good time together. Clem was a demon with a heart but not much on brains. Xander and he still got together from time to time outside of the scooby gang to go out drinking hot chocolate and coffee at the coffee shops around town, sometime meeting up at the bronze for something a bit stronger and a game of pool.

Clem was a good guy but he wasn't particularly witty but he did try and Spike encouraged him. Clem would start to tell a joke, a truly lame joke, then break up into giggles before ever finishing the punch line, but Spike didn't mind. Even Xander didn't seem to mind he just went with the flow of things.

"Xander how's things at home, mate?" He asked once.

Xander looked away. "Not good Spike, mom and dad are mom and dad. I work a lot and I spend a lot of time with friends. I'm getting stronger and more muscley. Dad hasn't exactly come after me in a while now, which I'm glad for but he does make some weird and very rude comments every now and again which I ignore of course." a smile that was more sad then expressive of anything else lit the boy's face.

Spike took a swig from their beer bottle and shrugged. "Kinda figured. Construction work is hard labor and good for the body. Your Dad's a ponce, a bullying ponce, if he thinks you're strong he wont bug ya." spike said in his way of encouragement.

Xander snorted then chuckled not humorously unless it was in morbidity that he found his humor. No this was a laugh of despair and giving up. "I don't know why he can't love me Spike? Why does he do these things?"

"Because he's... evil, Pet. That's the only word that describes him, incapable of love, incapable of kindness. Maybe when he was younger he was a good guy maybe the world sucked it all out of him, maybe its just the hell mouth luv, it can turn good people bad, it can."

"Thanks Spike, I don't know if you were trying to help but I appreciate it."

They parted still on friendly terms and promises of meeting up next week for the kitty-poker with Clem and Pals.

This was his crypt his home and he felt good. He almost felt like a master again. Except that he didn't have a court to lord over or minions to scurry about doing his bidding and cleaning up after him. Still things were good and on feeling this warm wave of emotion he knew deep down that he was just taunting the fates that be do him another injustice. Yet he couldn't help feeling if not happy at least content and well on his way to happy. That was when his crypt door was bashed in and a handful of initiative gits led by that bastard boy friend of the slayer's Riley came busting in forcing him out of his sleep and burning his hand, making him scream from the caress of sunlight that was coming in through the doorway.

Fuck it was the middle of the day, rays of sun were poring down near him. He whimpered and fought screaming and kicking, struggling even as the chip fried his brain and soldier boys tormented him trying to force information from him on things he had no clue about.

"Maybe we should dust ya. Maybe we should pin ya to the door or better yet slowly inch by inch feed ya to the sunlight, how would ya like that Hostile 17?"

"Fucking sadist." hissed Spike. He didn't want to die but he'd be staked first before he begged like a dog for his life. He was a master vampire dammit! He'd suffered worse torment at the hands of both his Sires and at the hands of the Master of the Line and his favorite childe Darla. Now that bitch could teach these little boys a thing or two about sadism.

Riley hit him across the mouth. "String him up as near the door as we can, when the sun makes its full trip for the day by tonight Hostile 17 here will be dust."

Spike struggled even more wildly. "No." he growled. "You can't do this." The bloody Slayer's suppose to protect me. I can't die like this. I can't die like this. I won't die like this.

Spike tried to kill them, tried to maim them and tried to escape their murderous hands but all he got for his troubles was the chip frying his brain and forcing him unconscious. When he came awake he watched in fear the sun slowly inch by inch coming closer and closer with every hour to his body. He whimpered, tears filled his eyes.

He heard a human voice yelp. "Shit, Spike what the... holy..."

Xan-Pet! Xan-pet came over early, thank Hell.

Relief poured over him like a cool bath of serene lake water. Xander filled the doorway then quickly through up a blanket around Spike just as sun light touched Spike and almost set him on fire. Xander quickly unfastened him from the bindings and helped him into the deeper darker parts of his crypt. Spike found tears spilling unchecked. He gulped as hiccups followed and with that the shakes came over him. He'd been so close to final death. He'd been so helpless unable to save himself and this incident more than anything proved that even with the slayer's benevolence and so-called protection Spike was dust in the sun when it came to the bloody humans.

Xander held the trembling vampire. Rubbed circles into Spike's back and hugged and gave comfort until the vampire could regain control of his emotions and terror.

"They really left me to get dusted. That Riley bloke's a real class act. A true psycho. The face of a lamb for his slayer sweet, but behind her back and against her wishes he tortured me and left me to die in the sun Xan. I was almost dust in the wind. Ya saved me pet. Ya saved me, Harris. I thought I was a goner. I thought so this is how ol' Spike's going out not even with a bang. I couldn't fight them." he choked on another sob as his voice cracked he felt girly and like William pre-vamp days, he wanted to weep some more and hide from the soldiers and form the slayer and from the world and from Xander too.

"I couldn't fight them. I was defenseless and helpless and I couldn't fight them and they... they're not the good guys Harris. You scoobies' alliance with these guys is going to end up in bloodshed and back-stabbing Pet, mark me words. Those soldiers are up to evil doings."

He lit a cigarette waiting for the trembling to pass and for the fear to subside. A good drag from the ol' fag always calmed his nerves in the past but it didn't seem to be helping now. Maybe it was just too much. Maybe this last incident had been too much for his nerves to take. He hated ebbing helpless. He hated getting beat up for just existing. He never treated humans like this. They were food sure but they didn't get tormented just for being alive, well okay, yes he had done that but there had been reasons, good reasons, other reasons, like food reasons and being ordered to do so by the Aurelius line.

There had always been reasons behind his torture of humans, always good damned reasons, even if some of the reasons were reasons that made no sense to either Spike the William part or the demon part but they had made sense to his precious dark princess and if she told him to torment someone he did it. If Sire says jump Childer jump that's the way of it. But the things these humans do to each other and to Spike, he didn't understand it.

"Come back to the basement with me Spike." invited Xander.

"No pet, this here's me crypt, its me home now and I rather enjoys being on me own."

Xander looked at him with compassionate sad brown eyes. "It doesn't have to be for long, just for a couple of days, until I get this door fixed for you. Alright?"

Spike took another drag from his cigarette then threw it to the floor and ground it into the cement with the heel of his worn shoe. He took another breathe while Xander waited patiently for his reply.

"If its no trouble Pet." he answered at last after another moment of contemplativeness and quiet. "But only fer a day or two max, alright? I don't want to put ya out." Especially don't want Harris Senior getting a-hold of me again. Bloody wanker. But at least with Harris Senior he wasn't looking at a stake through the heart or a patch of sunlight to dust him.

Xander smiled then chuckled. "Spike its no trouble at all. Besides my basement's been rather lonely without you."

Spike snorted at that. "Yeah right Harris, that old washer of yours weeping every day I've been gone has it? Telly been missing the passions episodes I watch?"

Xander's smile widened. "you know it." he quipped. Then together the two friends traveled the sewers to Xander's parked car. The sun was setting and Spike was safe for now.

* * *

Ethan Rayne watched from his hidden place in LA Spike's powers had yet to awaken. Spike was helpless and today's incident had left the chaos mage shaken as shaken as the vampire had been. His and Janos' plans had almost gone up in smoke. How were they to survive the oncoming end of the world, how would he and Ripper ever live happily ever after together in a relationship if the Vampire was dusted before he could be a stronger ally to the forces of good. Though most displeasing to Ethan was that Ripper would allow an ally to be so sorely mistreated.

Didn't the slayer care one whit for her allies? If she didn't take care she would get them all killed, she'd get his Ripper and Janos favorite Vampire killed with the fool way she was doing things.

"That boyfriend of hers needs to be put on a leash or else taught a serious lesson." muttered the chaos mage.

Janos smiled. Ethan grinned as an idea came to him and then the perfect spell came to mind with a few careless waves of a hand and a few ingredients splashing into his pot of boiling water Ethan hummed then began to incant a spell that was positively bedeviling for the victim of its casting.

"A little chaos goes a long way and its hardly time to play my hand just yet. But this should teach the soldier a little lesson in compassion."

He smiled then looked again on the old photo of he and Ripper from their youth. He had his hand in Ripper's back pocket and Ripper's arm around his shoulders. They both looked so young in that picture and disgustingly in love with one another, happy.

What happened to destroy that? Too much sorcery? Too much fear? Not enough understanding between them? Not enough trust. One fist fight too much?

"Don't worry Ripper this time it will be different. This time I wont let you down. I shant disappoint you or frighten you away. This time I will come to you open and without veil of secrets and ulterior motives to tear us apart. This time we will have our till the end of our days. Your ring is still on my finger, luv, your brand in ink over my heart. I know you no longer have my ring or my brand but that's all past, all forgiven, we'll get past it and be together again. This time I wont bollocks it up. I swear, this time it will be different." he promised stroking a shaking finger wanly over the framed photo. He brought it to his chest and hugged it then set it back down on his bedside table and continued to gaze into the crystal keeping a wary eye on his and Janos investment and the possible savior/champion of the world.

**

* * *

Chapter Three**

Somehow a couple of days turned into a couple of weeks and then Spike found himself moved back into the Harris basement all over again. He just felt safer there. Clem was a constant visitor. So he didn't feel too much different from his time in the crypt on his own and He liked having Xander's scent around. He liked having Xander around. He didn't much care for laundry or dishes but he did get to watch passions and day time TV and not have to worry about sodding soldier boys trying to break down the door and force him to confess to naughtiness that he hadn't been up to or doing or even contemplating at all about doing.

When the day of doom came and he found out he wasn't as worthless or as helpless as he had thought previously he was delighted beyond anything any other emotion he had ever felt in his life. He went out into the demon community and struck terror into the hearts of the demons who'd been bad mouthing him, calling him washed up and a has-been.

"Chipped I may be" he muttered "but at least I can still kick demon ass." He laughed giddily and was over joyed, unfortunately the joy didn't last long. He was still chipped and still an easy victim for sodding humans. As yet another incident occurred forcing the reality of his position once again into his face and at the forefront of his mind.

They were bullies, humans that smelled of arrogance and hate. Spike tried to ignore them and even tried to lose them when they began to chase him but he somehow made a wrong turn somewhere and soon found himself back into another alley. They called him pretty and cock-sucker, they called him a punk bitch that was just asking for it.

He tried to fight tried to scare them away but they laughed and taunted him. Then beat him and soon had him in a position he never thought to be in outside of Sire's rights.

Spike wasn't unfamiliar with rape or humiliation. Really these punks could learn a pointer or two from Angelus or even Darla, hell even Drucilla was more imaginative. But this wasn't master vampires in his line taking their rights to torture and rape him these were human gits who shouldn't have been able to do these things to him. Spike was a Master Vampire, he'd slaughtered hundreds in his day, hunted down bullyboys like these and ate them for supper. This wasn't right. They had no right to do this to him.

Fucking chip! Fucking humans!

He bit back a scream as the first one slammed in, not caring that his victim wasn't even slicked or prepared for fucking. The others laughed and pawed him, as the leader did him, another forced his mouth open and took him brutally that way. He didn't know how long it lasted or even how many assailants total took part in it, time stopped for Spike as he lived solely in his head until it ended.

He stayed perfectly still and perfectly huddled into the darkest most shadowed part of the alley. He shivered and stayed there unmoving for several hours as morning twilight began to turn into day Spike came back to himself and hurled himself down into the sewers and traveled by that route all the way back to Xander's place.

Harris senior was waiting for him and unleashed violence on him and then decided the skinny little faggot might make a good fuck. He'd seen the computer and the stuff that sure as hell didn't belong to his son. He figured the blonde bitch was making good selling his ass on the street and he could damn well start sweetening the monthly rent and ease some of his frustrations.

Spike closed his eyes and wished he was dead. Harris senior slammed into him with as much cruelty as the punks in the alley had. He shattered. He broke he was done.

Xander was at first unaware of the new form of abuse going on under his nose in the basement while he was away at work but he did notice that Spike was unnaturally quiet, unnaturally still, as if his death had finally caught up with him and made of him a statue. Clem was worried and told Xander so. Xander was suspicious there was something like a new vibe at home his father was too happy of late like he knew a secret and was laughing cruelly at his son.

Xander came home early one day and heard it.

"Yeah fuck, that's good, make me come make me come." growled Anthony Harris slamming his cock down Spike's throat. Hissing in pleasure. "Such a good little cock sucker. I should pimp you out. You were made for this. Fuck that's good. Keep sucking almost.. oh god yeah.. almost." He panted.

Xander was sickened by the sight. Horrified and furious. He wasn't aware of even moving but one moment he was in the door way the next he was dragging his father off of Spike and slamming the older man into the wall. Screaming incoherent rage and disgust. This was his fault he should have known this was what was happening. The hyena had smelled it and He had ignored it. Ignored the warnings, ignored the bitching, ignored Spike's plight, ignored Spike's unnatural stillness.

"He was supposed to be safe here." Xander screamed outraged, slamming Tony against the wall a second time, letting out his rage on his old man. "How could you do that to him? He's my friend. How could you do that to him."

He felt tears in his eyes as he gasped out through his heart pounding fury. "I was supposed to keep him safe here. I promised he'd be safe here. You made a liar out of me. You disgusting old son of a, grrr !"

He knew better then to take his attention off of his enemy but he couldn't help looking at Spike, looking at the blank expression on that usually animated gleeful even sneering face. A face that had come to mean something to him in the months of shacking up and being host to one another when they had been apart. This wasn't supposed to be happening to Spike... not to anyone.

Tony slammed a meaty fist into his jaw and Xander went flying. Spike for the first time in weeks finally came out of his stupor and did something to defend himself and to help his friend, his Xander.

The chip fired and he was seeing stars but it didn't matter nothing mattered, not the pain or the fire in his brain, just that he kill Tony Harris or at least hurt him, make him pay for raping Spike for hurting his Xan-Pet. The chair cracked against Harris Senior's back, both bone and chair broke with the force of the vampire strength. Spike blacked out with a final scream of agony and convulsed on the floor.

Xander didn't waste any more time. While Tony Harris and even Spike was unconscious he packed their bags and then loaded up his truck then he covered Spike in his blankets and carried Spike out of the basement and away from the nightmare they both had been living in.

He found an apartment on the other side of town, as far away from his parents' house as he could get. A ground floor apartment in a nice little old fashioned building that sang sanctuary to him made for a perfect abode for the two of them.

* * *

Spike was unconscious for two days but when he came around he was worse then he had been before. That first time that he opened his blue eyes they flashed between gold and blue, eyes unfocussed and gazing out at something only the vampire could see in his mind. He tilted his head as if listening or something. Then he smiled all serene-like and murmured in a pretty good imitation of his Drucilla, but Xander had known with a sinking certainty that this was no copy cat or pretend act, Spike had gone off the deep end.

"The stars are singing tonight Pet, singing to me like Sinatra and moonlit walks. The moon beams are dancing a tune, jumping jumping, twisting and turning like they're happy like pretty little dolphins in the depths of the sea, dancing and singing so happy. Such happy little moon beams and stars tonight. The wind is a whispering Xanny, its whispering something fierce." The vampire shivered then started keening.

Xander felt the hyena's soul shiver as her hackles rose she whimpered of magic in the air. The soldier stirred as well his foot tapping jittery-like in the reaches of his mind. "Harris, instincts are all on alert here, buddy. Keep an eye out. There's something coming and I don't like it."

Xander was on alert for several days. He felt like he was on a new kind of roller coaster ride. Up down inside-out outside-in and around about all over again. He felt like he was in a tornado or an earthquake because more often then not his balance was shaken a lot and the earth seemed to move unsteadily under his feet.

Xander was scared. he didn't know what to do for Spike, how to fix him, or help him in some way. All that he could do was be there for the suffering vampire and hope that things eventually would get better for the two of them. But mostly for Spike.

There was stillness and then there was craziness and then sometimes if Spike was having a good night there would be lucidity, but not often. There were too few nights where Spike was functioning at all let alone being sane, coherent, or cognitive.

They still visited the coffee shop every other night. As long as there were routines Spike seemed to be happy. When routines weren't being followed that was when Spike would start getting jumpy and near impossible to control. On those nights, the insane nights, Xander locked him in the closet with pillows and bedding, trying to keep the self inflicted damage and the noises to a minimum.

He didn't know in all honesty what was more terrifying for him, coming home to walls with writings in Spike's blood or the times when Spike was singing some old English song and rocking in a corner muttering gibberish, or the starvation kicks. Xander was near the end of his rope.

Xander was scared and going out of his own mind from guilt and helplessness. He just wanted Spike to get well again. He hoped he was a comfort to Spike and that he was helping the vampire rather then harming him. But most nights Xander doubted he was much help or any comfort at all.

**

* * *

Chapter Four**

"Humans. Dirty. Filthy. Humans. Cheats! Filthy Humans. Bloody soldiers. Filthy dirty cheats. Beat up on ol' Spike when ee's 'elpless, worthless, useless." Spike took in a sobbing breathe. "He hurt me. He hurt me Xan. Why he'd do that? I weren't doing nothing wrong. I was good I was. He hurt me. Filthy rotten dirty." Spike began to rock again clawing at his arms drawing blood murmuring his usual chant.

Xander sighed today wasn't going to be a good day for them it looked like. Spike had been doing so well the other night. Xander had known better then to hope or even think that the madness had passed but still last night had been a good night. Spike had been on-line tutoring his students even laughing and making snaky comments aside to Xander when he wasn't helping someone with a history paper or a literary essay. Spike had been a whiz of excitement, vitality and activity. He even smiled at Xander a time or two, which had done a strange fluttery sensation to his stomach and nerves. With time Xander was coming to realize that Spike meant a great deal more to him then just a friend kind of way and sometimes he suspected Spike felt the same but being soulless and evil Spike had a weird way of showing love.

Spike was a vampire and a monster he shouldn't be able to love, yet he had witnessed the love Spike had shown Drucilla and even to some degree of love for his Sire-in-absentia Angelus. Spikes was for all intents of the word a loving person. Though the Slayer would probably beg to differ and probably even Giles, they would have quoted to Xander from the watchers' journals that Vampires can't love and that beings that were demons were intrinsically evil and therefore could not love. But Xander had to wonder about that. Didn't love sometimes turn people into monsters and acts of evil?

Like his Father and Mother. His father had, Xander was sure at one time and probably still did in some twisted way loved his wife and to some sick degree his son. When a man punishes his child to keep him from doing wrong isn't that an act of evil? Is violence an act of evil in itself? Or was it okay to be violent sometimes and it not being considered an evil act? Yet, what defines evil? Is it intent? Purpose? Joy of blood and killing?

"Xan

Xan

Xan he hurt me. He hurt me." whined Spike rocking harder.

"I can feel him in me. I can feel him on me in me. He's at me again he is. I can hear'm feel him. His weight on me. Let me go. let me go." He sniveled, cringed, gasped, growled in turns, gnashing teeth and nails fighting a ghost that was no where near him.

"Spike. Its okay He's not here anymore. He can't hurt you. Remember we're not in the basement anymore."

Xander made a show of checking the locks on the doors and windows. Unbolting the doors and bolting them back up. Showing Spike the closets and other shadowy places showing him that no one was there not a soldier and not Harris sr. Still uncertain Spike looked on with suspicion through slowly leaking red tinged tears. He didn't feel safe.

Something bad was coming. The wind kept whispering. Memories kept jarring. His skin felt like things were crawling on it. Whispy tentacles caressing him inside and out made his teeth chatter. He felt cold and hot.

"Bloody chip! Fucking chip!" he screamed incoherent rage igniting his blood and he went into a tantrum and destroyed a table and a chair before weakness from not feeding set in and he stumbled to the floor in a near dead faint light headed from exertion. He crawled on the floor weeping.

"He hurt me. They hurt me. They strung me up to watch the sun. Ashes to ashes they wished me to be. Beat me up. Wished me ill they did. Wished me harm they did. Humans! Lowly, filthy, dirty, scummy humans.

Get y're poncy hands off o'me!" he cried out, fighting thin air, fighting his memories. Xander watched this his heart aching for the injured nut job his friend had become.

"Spike they can't get you here." He said, trying to give comfort.

Spike wept harder and finally crawled up to Xander's legs and encircled them with weak bleeding shaking arms.

"Xanny, ye' wont let'm get me will ye? Ye wont will ye? You'll turn me to dust first right? Promise? Promise pet? The dust first before you let them get me and put me back in their dirty little torture chambers, yeah? Yeah Pet, promise me the dust. Promise me."

Xander nodded and gently stroked his fingers through soft rat nest hair. "You know it Spike I wont let them get you. Not them and not my dad, no one."

Spike buried his face against Xander's thigh and settled into a doze on his knees.

**

* * *

Chapter Five**

The slayer and Riley were still chummy as ever, deeply in love as ever and therefore not extremely sharp to the one thing that had been missing from the picture for quite a while now and frankly it had Giles worried.

Where was the confounded vampire Spike?

"Buffy? Could you please let up on the kissing for the moment and concentrate on what's been going on lately?" demanded pleaded Giles, getting a headache.

Buffy sighed she felt put upon again. "Yes Giles, what is it that you think I'm missing here?"

"Absent Vampire." said Giles frustrated.

Buffy scowled. "Why should I care? Spike's harmless Giles. He's got a chip in his head for crying out loud and other then simply being obnoxious and painfully not funny why should I be worried that he's not here? Maybe he got dusted or maybe he skipped town. Either case, good for us. No more worries." She tried going back to kissing her love-muffin, corn-fed Iowa Soldier boy but Giles was clearly not impressed with her logic as he scowled even more in consternation at her killing the mood.

"All right, we'll go look for him, keep your pants on." She grumbled.

Giles took off his glasses and cleaned them. He felt a pain in his head the onset of a migraine no doubt.

* * *

Ethan gazed into the crystal ball in his lap and smiled lovingly. "Poor Ripper, nasty Slayer giving you a headache, poor chum. Let good ol' Ethan take care of that for you." he cooed and stroked the crystal as if it were Giles' temples, he murmured a small spell of healing power the only one he knew and the only one he was remotely good at. Giles' tension eased and he sighed as he looked around his little magic shop.

"Another boring day, luv? No customers, eh? Oh Ripper, you never were any good at this shop-keep business. I could help you out you know. But I guess the time isn't quite right yet. Let's go take a look at the sweet little apprentices of yours shall we?

"Let's see what were those names again? Glenda? No. Jasmine? No, Weeping-weeping something, uh ah, no, oh wait yes, that's it. Willow! Ah-ha! Crystal me'dear show me young Willow and her lover, Terry was it? No not Terry-Tana? No Taryl? No Tara? Yes! That's the ticket.

Crystal me'dear, please show me the young wiccas, the darling lovers, Tara and Willow."

The crystal fogged over then little bits of magic dust floated to life into a miniature cyclone inside the valuable glass ball. Frenetic energy churned and bubbled the water, glitters of gold and blue and green and red danced inside and then slowly turned serene as it showed its master the two he wished to spy upon.

Ethan studied the picture carefully and intently for a while before sighing. "They're strong and they're making progress but Dementia and Glorificus are much stronger then they. Yet, Willow sings of power. I can almost feel her calling to me. She could easily be turned to the darker forces if Giles doesn't take some action soon to discourage her. But far be it for me to tell dear Ripper what to do. So much power and he's letting his job get in the way of his other duties. The slayer is no longer his primary concern. The witch will need a firm hand and a guide that can keep her from turning… Tara has a gentle earthy power to her to offset Willow's airy power. Ares and Capricorn, interesting. Maybe she can keep Willow from going to far. Let's hope, eh Crystal?" He gentle wicked giggle left his lips then he decided to look in on his usual person of interest.

"Crystal me'dear, show me William the Bloody, the Master Vampire known as Spike." to use a crystal one must know the full names and full powers of the individuals one wishes to spy on. One also had to speak politely and kindly otherwise Crystal-Ball would feel snubbed and then the wizard who insulted her would be up the creek without a guide as it were.

Ethan liked the moody thing, it suited him well.

Crystal showed him Spike up to writing on the walls again in his blood and Xander the human boy looking on it all with a face filled with pity and sorrow.

"Well, it looks like the time's almost right. Can you feel it Crystal, his power's waking, but its so slow and time is running out. Tell me Crystal m'dear how do we get the Vampire to open up to his powers?"

Crystal showed him a place he didn't at first recognize then as it dawned on him what he was seeing. He bit his lip uncertain.

"Are you sure this is the only way?"

Crystal zapped him testily, she did not like being questioned.

"All right the trials, but why? I mean other then the magical awakening of course but he has to want it bad enough he has to want something terribly to survive the Trials. Will he even have what it takes to survive such a thing?"

Crystal did her version of a shrug a light purple and pink mist filtered throughout the watery content then disappeared.

"I get it. You can't tell the future. Or give me those answers I want only the ability to see what is needed. All right I'll get to work on our favorite vamp and hopefully the tides of chaos will see us onto the path of champions."

**

* * *

Chapter Six**

"Hey Xan have you seen Spike lately?" Buffy asked him at the next Scooby meeting he managed to make.

Xander frowned. "Why do you ask?"

"Its just I haven't seen him in a while and we're all getting a little jumpy and worried about him that's all. You know Giles, he's paranoid about wandering out loose Vamps with reputations that don't match the person if you get my meaning."

She laughed and Xander felt himself smile a little it was true that Spike's rep was a little more scary then the vampire himself actually was especially now days when he was little more then a mewling, weeping, whimpering, traumatized damaged, mass of vampire misery…. 'And insanity. Don't forget the insanity.' Insisted the soldier warily.

The hyena sniffed with distain our mate is… Eccentric. He is going through a tuff time. I do not believe you would do much better if you had been raped and abused. Besides we are of Hyena and of the ancient Jackal bloodlines guardians of Egyptian Gods and Tombs, we're a little insane as well and have no call to hold insanity against our mate.

The soldier scowled then wiggled a little in his chair. He didn't like being part Hyena. Xander didn't blame him. He didn't much care for it either. Being Hyena was a dangerous occupation with serious dives into the pits of insanity, oh and the sometime cravings of bloody steak, and rare bloody burgers, rare blood dribbling meat of any sort, actually, ewwh.

"Xander are you listening to me?" broke in Buffy with a worried tilt to her head and a look of annoyance battling the worry in her eyes.

"Yeah Buff, sorry about that. You know I'm not sure I can honestly tell you when the last time I saw Spike was, its not like we're shacked up or something. I just know that he's been keeping his nose clean. We keep in touch. You know e-mail, phone, coffee sometimes but uh.. Not lately? Listen I got to go. I just remembered I have some work I need to finish up at the office. I'll see you later alright"

* * *

Buffy frowned Xander was acting weird. Like he was hiding something. She let it go for now to keep the piece between them but if it got worse she would deal with it and deal with Xander, get him help if he needed it.

She turned to the rest of the scoobies watching them and shrugged. "I guess that leaves more Pizza for us. Xander gives his regrets but work calls."

Willow pouted for a moment but Tara's hand enveloped her hand anad gave it a comforting squeeze. She smiled gently up into the blonde Wicca's eyes and felt reassured.

"I know he's a grown up now with a job outside of slaying baddies and fighting the good fight. Its just that I miss him."

"We all do sweetheart." said Tara.

Giles cleared his throat and wiped his glasses admitting with British stoicism. "Yes, that is quite true. And yes, Tara is quite right. Buffy as for Spike, any word?" asked Giles getting back to the matter at hand and deflecting the emotional stuff. Emotional stuff was quite disconcerting and he really didn't want to get into it or exploring his emotions or to listen to the girls having a girl moment.

It was evening it was business time and important matters were at hand. Like the new apocalypse on the rise and the missing chipped wonder, master vampire Spike.

"No word anywhere. I have looked everywhere Giles. In every seedy bar in every seedy tomb in every seedy part of demon infested Sunnydale there is for a fangless monster to go and then to places not so likely and can I just say, euww! I have seen things I never want to think about again. And that's saying something."

"All right Buffy, we understand. Now then, are you absolutely certain, its very important Buffy."

"Yes, Giles, I know Giles. And again I reiterate, no word on Spike, none, nothing nada, nyet, nope, not a sighting, not a tale not a word not a story, nothing. Its as if he's gone to dust or disappeared out of town."

Giles sighed. "Well, keep looking. Meanwhile, lets do some research then go out there and kill some baddies, as you kids say."

**

* * *

Chapter Seven**

"I know you don't want to Spike and I wouldn't ask you unless it was important, you know that. We can't have them trying to locate us, now can we? I mean once the Scoobies find us then its red flag time. You know what I'm talking about right? We might as well get out the horn and scream out our location to everyone. Once they find us so will the initiative and so will my dad. I'm not trying to scare you, alright I am trying to scare you, but these are scary topics we're discussing here. Major alert topics." Harris Babbled.

"Just pop in and pop out that's all I'm asking. Just let them know you're around but keeping your nose clean. Act like you normally do. Get them off our trail. I'll treat you to hot cocoa at your favorite café." entreated Xander, begging sweetly.

Spike was lucid at present and able to scowl. "I'm noht so easily bribed Pet. Master Vampire here, Big bad remember. You know I don't leave these walls Xan. I'm safe here. Safe as houses I am."

Xander frowned and shook his head then turned beseeching dark eyes on him. "Please Spike, you don't seem to understand. Giles is worried. Buffy is on the hunt. Soon they'll connect the dots. You were in my custody. I was supposed to keep an eye on you. Buffy will find out. So will the Initiative. So will dad. Do you want him to find us? Are you so eager to go back to whoring yourself out to him for a reduction in rent?"

Spike's eyes turned amber and gold and ignited with sudden fury. Growls and whimpers came pouring out. "Bastard bastard. Childe of Angelus, Great great Grand Childe of the Master of the Hell Mouth Prince of all that's evil and grand in SunnyHell I am. Not some Pimp-ponce's whore. I was helpless. I couldn't fight him. You know I didn't want that. Unclean. Filthy dirty, bad Spike, punished, punished, you was punished…" from there Spike went downhill to incoherent and babbling madness. Self inflicted wounds were next to come up and that night Xander locked Spike in the closet with the safety pillows and blankets hoping that Spike wouldn't bleed himself into dust.

He apologized continuously to the vampire throughout the night. "I was scared. I was panicking. I shouldn't have said those things. I'm sorry Spike. I'm really, really, sorry. Please Spike I'm sorry. Please just come back come out of this freaky insaneness, please." now Xander was the one reduced to begging and tears.

"Okay Spike. We'll think of something else. We'll think of another way. Shhh, love, shhh." soothed Xander, gently stroking bloodied cheekbones and dirty hair. They took turns soothing each other until both fell asleep from exhaustion.

* * *

TBC - Eventually - Jazzy (2/1/2008) ©

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